Withdrawal Pains

The holidays are over and just when everyone is returning from their mini-vacations, I am about to leave for my trip to the States. It has been 9 months since I've been on American soil and I am gearing up again to face the hard transition and culture shock.

This week, while packing my bags and getting ready for my trip, I am feeling like I am living in a temporary gray area. I am not really in Florence because I am thinking of what it's going to be like in California. And I am not in California. I don't like this gray area, because I am neither here nor there. I have mixed feelings.

Florence has been rainy and dark for the past several weeks. Having lived in California for 5 years, I realized how much the sun has an invigorating effect upon the mind and the spirit. I realize that I am abandoning Florence during the most uncomfortable and uninteresting time of the year, and I feel a little guilty for this, because I feel like I am not being faithful to Florence in good times and bad. Instead I am escaping to the sun where I can drive my car for long distances along the Pacific Ocean , lay back in jeans and sandals, get my nails manicured every week, and ride my bike all day long. Well, of course I have other more important things that I have to do, but it is indeed a liberating feeling to know that I can detox in California and get things done. I am looking forward to all the challenges and choices that I will have to make in California.

Today while doing chores, I walked alot slower than usual and looked directly into people's eyes as they passed me on the street. I spent more time in the stores conducting long conversations with the merchants, knowing that these next days will be the last time that I will have this opportunity to speak this beloved language. I don't want to give this up. I went to the library to return some films, and as I left, I started feeling melancholy, realizing that it will be a couple of months before I step inside the library again. It has become a part of my life. I will miss it. I started feeling homesick for Florence, and I haven't even left yet. I know that Florence is the place for me, but I also know that I need to be back in California to refresh myself, catch up on American everything.....politics, technology, news....and to stock up on all the things that I can't get in Florence, like anti-persperant, PowerBars, cold cream and vitamin pills. Things I can't live without.

Tanti Auguri per un Felice Anno Nuovo

Grazie, Dio per l'anno scorso che Tu mi hai dato. Era davvero un dei più belli anni della mia vita, ricco, pieno delle sorprese impreviste, dei passioni...pieno dei nuovi amici, pieno dei cambiamenti drastici ma belli. Sono diventata una cittadina italiana dopo aver scoperto i miei radici. Ho realizzato molti sogni. Ho trovato una nuova casa bellissima che mi ama tantissimo, una nuova città, un nuovo paese, e un bel lavoro fantastisco in bici. Tanti belle cose sono sucesse, anche se c'erano momenti dificili, triste e brutti. Sono contenta, però sono un po stanca. L'anno prossimo, spero di trovare meno di eccitazione, un certo equilibrio, e sopratutto...un amore vera nella vita.

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Thank you, God for this last year that you gave me. It was truly one of the most beautiful years of my life, rich, filled with unexpected surprises, full of passion, full of new friends, filled with drastic but beautiful changes. I became an Italian citizen after having discovered my roots. I realized many dreams that I didn't even realize were dreams. I found a new and beautiful home that I love, a new city, a new country, a new and wonderful job working on my bike. So many beautiful things have happened, even though there were some difficult, sad and brutal moments. I am happy, but a little tired. Next year I hope to find a balance between serenity and excitement, work and play. And more than anything else, love..

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This was a year in which I listened closely to my heart. It was a year in which I ventured completely out of my comfort zone and released myself from the colorful and exotic weeds of days gone by. Weeds can be such beautiful plants and while holding me secure in their company, they were also keeping me from growing and from being true to myself. And from realizing my dreams.
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There were some frightening and solitary moments. But my passion and ability to visualize my dreams have thrust me forward. There is a price to pay for everything.

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In spite of the rain, the fireworks and concerts went on. Thousands of people crowded the city streets to bring in the New Year. As I walked through the euphoric crowds, my mind journeyed through flashbacks of so many New Years Eves spent at Times Square. It’s hard to believe that Piazza della Signoria is my new Times Square. It’s hard to believe that tonight I was watching fireworks exploding against the backdrop of Palazzo Vecchio, my new town hall, with the orchestra of Maestro Lanzetta playing under the magnificent Loggia dei Lanzi. What a climatic and fitting way to end this year of realizing my dream of living in Italy. Tears flooded my eyes, but I did not try to hide it. It was a New Years Eve to remember forever.